In the handbook for Hope, there is a part that says… And remember that, whatever the outcome, our trustworthy God is in control and your call is to be faithful not “successful”

Does anyone else cringe at this? Yes, our trustworthy God is in control, and I am so joyful of that. But not to be successful? What????? I don’t know how everyone else grew up, but success was stressed in my childhood. Yes, your best effort should be put forth, but even in that, there should be some visible success. 

So to sit at Jeff Street day in and day out, and, in most cases, not see any ”success” (by worldly standards) is discouraging. I put time and effort and love and work into these relationships. I want to see results. I want to see lives changed. Yes, for the most part, because I want better for them. But a small part of me needs to see that change for me to feel that my time here wasn’t wasted, that I am making a difference.

But God calls me to be faithful to His commands: to love as I am being loved and to show Christ in word and deed. 

“Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” -Galations 6:9

Yes, God’s word promises me that I will reap a harvest, not that I will get the harvest that I want or when I want it. I need to place my faith in stay faithful to God’s calling. My Father is in control, He knows exactly what’s going on. I need seek encouragement in knowing that I am obeying and following God, and not be discouraged with people who aren’t visibly changing. I am a seed-sower. I am having conversations with them that mean something, I am showing the spiritually poor that they mean the world to someone, that someone loves them so much than they have ever experienced or can even imagine. I am building relationships where, hopefully, they see Christ reflected in my words and actions. 

I need to find encouragement in that. Not outward change, but knowing that God is proud of me for following Him and remaining faithful. 

I apologize for taking for forever to write about this amazing experience. But trying to find  enough spare time in Hope is like trying to find peace and quiet in a house of 6 girls. #notveryoften However, today I decided to actually sit down and spend a few hours writing a few blogs to catch everyone up and just help myself digest all of my thoughts and feelings. #livingwith5othergirls #wealwaystalkaboutourfeelings

Last Saturday, the ninth, we took a lady out to dinner for her birthday (from here on out, her name shall be Lady, because her real name is private and so forth). All of the girls have at least talked to Lady and gotten to know her a little. When she came in that Friday, she was all smiles, and life was good. She mentioned that today was her birthday. I didn’t get the feeling that she was fishing for extras or wanting special attention. I wanted to have breakfast with her that morning, so we grabbed our plates and just sat down and started talking. Lady is a sweetheart, and she is also a very good sweet-talker. She can lay it on pretty thick, saying that the best birthday gift was eating breakfast with such a great lady like me. I mean, hey, if that’s how she feels, then great! We just talked about her life and her plans for that day. She didn’t really have any, and she seemed pretty ok with that. As the day went on, I really just wanted to do something nice for her. Not something huge and grand, but nice. I decided that dinner would be great. Her choice, all-paid. We could hang-out and talk and eat. I love eating, so I figure everyone else does too. The other two girls (one was out-of-town) loved the idea. We don’t go to Jeff Street on Saturdays, so we left a message at the front desk for Lady with our number to call us back. She did and we asked her to meet us at Jeff Street at 5:00 and we would pick her up. 
At five, we pick her up. She had said she wanted to be surprised. We thought taking her to a Frozen Yogurt place on Bardstown would be great. As we are almost there, she asks  for pizza. Kind of put a kink in the plans, but it was Lady’s birthday, and so I wanted her to enjoy it to the fullest. We ended up going to a pizza joint that was pretty nice. (I forgot to mention that another roommate of ours was with us, who does not do Hope, but did last year, and still lives at the house). As we are ordering and eating, it’s very obvious that Lady is nervous and uncomfortable. It doesn’t seem like it’s with us, just the situation. Later that night, she mentions that she “never goes into places like this”. It’s weird to think that people just don’t go out to eat. What a blessing it is to just pick a place and eat. As we are eating pizza, Lady asks if we can still go get ice cream afterwards. Pizza wasn’t exactly cheap and it was cutting into my budget. But then it hit. I literally have everything paid for. The team has a Kroger’s card for groceries and gas. Everything else is covered by donations. The small stipend I get is pure profit. What else do I have to spend it on? Gatorade? Movies? God blessed me so that I can bless others. It was Lady’s birthday, and if she wanted pizza and ice cream, then I would do that. We ended up going to Dairy Queen and walking around Bardstown Road. It was a fantastic evening.

I few things I learned: Lady grew up exactly where I did; kinda. She spent a few years in Dry Ridge in the good ole Locust Apartments. Holla. And then in a few apartment complexes in Crittenden. It’s crazy to see how small of a world it really is. Also, Lady has three kids she gave up because she wasn’t fit to take care of them. A girl on our team has a similar story. Her birth mother abandoned her and her father at a young age. Only in the last few months did her mom make contact and try to start to rebuild that relationship. How amazing is it to see two sides of one coin- the mother’s and the child’s story. Only God could work that out. Lastly, that it is not my job to change anyone, including and especially Lady. I am here to love and serve her to the best of my God-given abilities. I am not to judge her life or actions, but simply be a light in her life through my actions towards her and others. 

I thank God for blessing me with $3 a day to be able to have those moments with Lady and, hopefully others in the very near future.

“(9)But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (10) That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 

Grace-getting what you do not deserve; a free gift; unending love/joy/peace/courage/strength/wisdom/guidance

My weaknesses-my specific struggles; my shortcomings; my sins

Insults/Hardships/Persecutions/Difficulties-everyday at Jeff Street; living in a house full of women; having luxuries in life

Weak-puny; frail; fragile; useless; disgusting

God’s never-ending gifts are more than enough for me, and are made perfect in my failings. When I can not physically keep going, God’s strength is more than enough to keep me on my feet. When I am emotionally spent, God’s joy and peace step in and pick me up. When I want to quit and leave, God’s wisdom and guidance tell me to seek Him and His will. When I feel that I am doing everything wrong, God’s love calls me back to His arms. Therefore, I will tell everyone with joy about how much of a failure I am, so that Christ’s power is shown through me. If everyone knows my sins, but sees change, then God’s redemptive love is glorified and magnified through me. I will find the silver linings of my trials, for I know that I am not alone. When I am falling, He will pick me up and walk with me.

Dear Father,

I pray that you give me a bold heart to step up and let my weaknesses shine bright. That I do not put on a front and try to be more than I am. I pray that you break me in my pride, Lord. Who am I? Without you, I am useless; worthless; pathetic. When I am struggling, You alone are the one that carries me through. You step in and things change; I change. Father I ask that you help me embrace my weaknesses. But even more God, I ask that you turn my weaknesses into strengths. That they are no longer stumbling blocks for me and others around me. I’m not asking for them to disappear, for then I would be perfect and that would be horrible. I just want Your amazing power to be the brightest thing in my life, Jesus.

Thank you Lord for all of the blessings that you pour on me day-by-day. You blessed me with an amazing team, Father. I pray for help in loving them like you love me. I am no better or worse than any of them, and you love us all the same. I thank you so much for the small amount of patience I have gained thus far on this journey. ‘Ask and you shall receive’ is always dangerous. And you always follow through. I pray for a kind heart toward my teammates, Father. Please help me be a servant to them and love them the best way I can.

I ask that you lead every conversation I have this week, and that you help me slow down when talking. I pray that you calm my fears and nerves and just let the guests have open hearts. 

Lastly, please always be pest in my ear that I cannot rid myself of, Father. Holy Spirit, I ask that you are constantly being my Wonderful Counselor and pointing me back to Christ.

Amen

I apologize for not posting in awhile. I didn’t realize how much serving at the Day Shelter and then working at Jeff Street every day takes out of ya, but it does. Most days I just come home and sit and recharge for an hour. But I finally found the energy, and more importantly the spare time, to post some stuff. 

As I mentioned before, around 8:00 every morning, we have devotionals in the Day Shelter. There’s no schedule of who is doing it or anything; it’s all very on-the-fly. As Brad was running around asking people to do the devotional, God asked me to. Which is awesome, scary, nerve-racking, joyous, scary, and scary. I don’t mind speaking in front of others, and majority of the time I love talking about the Word and Christ. However, the ‘majority times’ are when I have time to prepare and think about what I want to say and just time to let the nerves die down. Not this time. Brad asked at about 7:30. #areyoukiddingme

I ran up stairs to the computer lab and prayed to God, “Alright. You called, I answered. What am I going to say to these people?!” (I was a tad frustrated with the short notice from the Big Man upstairs.) The answer was really quite simple. For a couple of days before this, God had been showing me how inadequate I am. At everything. If I’m not careful, I will depend on myself to be physically, emotionally, and spiritually sound for the whole summer. I’ve already failed and it’s only been two weeks. No one can ever say God doesn’t have a sense of humor. 
Without being filled with the Holy Spirit, I would not be able to listen to the lost and hurting day in and day out and not get bogged down. I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed in the mornings, or put a smile on my face. If it wasn’t for my Father pushing me everyday, I would be done by now.
I am inadequate. Alone, Courtney Vance, I fail. Sure, I can listen to these people and help them monetarily, but what good is that really? It’s not. These people need to know Christ and who He is and what He did for them. How much He loves them. But if I try to do that on my own, just saying words, I fail. And if I try to just show them with my attitude of servitude, I fail. 
I must be a doer and sayer of the Word and never just either.
And without Christ in me, I fail at both. That’s what God has revealed to me. That I am nothing. I cannot accomplish anything. Alone I fail. It’s been a hard lesson to learn. I was raised on the principle, “Work hard and you’ll be someone. Depend on yourself to succeed.” After years of repeating that to myself, God knocked down that notion in two weeks. It was and still is a very humbling experience. 
But the great news is I’m not alone. I don’t have to depend on myself. I don’t have to fail. As long as I find my value and worth in Abba, I don’t fail. I’m not perfect by any means, but I don’t fail. I follow Him where He leads and do as He says, and He has promised to be there.
I can’t change these peoples’ lives, all I can do is love them like Christ loves me. And He has made me adequate. 

Today was my first full day at Jeff Street. And it was something! We get to Jeff Street at 6:30 and start getting things set-up to open at 7:00. Me and another girl volunteer to work the front desk. Mrs. Joanie, who basically runs the day shelter, gives us the run down on how everything works and what to do. It wasn’t too complicated. Everything is going fine and I am enjoying the work. Around 8:30, the flood hit. Everyone was trying to get in from the rain and in doing so, water poured in from the streets. And not just nice rain water, but nice sewer water. Jeff Street started to close down and everyone was called to help mop up the water. So from 8:30 to 11:30, it was mop and clean everything. It was an adventure. It was neat to see some of the homeless people stay and help out too. They were a huge blessing. After lunch, it was two hours of letter stuffing and labeling. No, the work was not hard, just very tedious. Going from 6:30 to 3:00 is a lot harder than I thought, but I like it.

——Every morning around 8:00, we have devotionals. Someone usually speaks and reads some scripture. Today, after Keith was done speaking, a woman stood up to sing My Redeemer Lives. It gave me goosebumps. And after her, a woman stood up and was really preaching to her peers. She was so passionate when she was speaking. She was telling them to be rooted in the word, that the only way to know the truth was to be in the Truth.  
I came in wanting to serve these people and show them who God is and His love. But it feels like they are telling me who He is.  

Every Monday all of the Hope team members have the day off. It is our Sabbath; a day of rest and rejuvenation. We are basically allowed to do what we want, as long as we ask ourselves, “How in this moment can I best love/serve God and His people?” And there is no right or wrong answer. If I feel that sleeping in best answers that question, then I need to sleep in. Today, I slept til 10:30, and it was glorious. I got to hang out around the house with the others girls. Around 2:00, we met up with the guys at Cherokee park for a couple of games of Ultimate Frisbee. After coming back to the house to shower, we went to Jeff Street for a cook out, since it is Memorial Day. The rest of the evening, at least til 10:00 (curfew), was spent playing games with the guys in their apartment. It was a very relaxed day that was greatly needed. In the very early morning, I will be back at Jeff Street to serve the homeless, and I am ready. But I wouldn’t be unless I had had today. I can now fully understand why a day of rest/what-is-best-for-you is built in and is mandatory. 

And today was awesome. It feels that God has shown me a ton today. I feel that He has shown me why each team member is here, in regards to me. I am so blessed to have the team that I do. I can already see how each girl is going to help/teach me something this summer. They always say be careful what you pray for! And I have been praying for patience when it comes to those I don’t necessarily hit it off with. And low and behold, God gifted me with a team member that is going to do just that. This person is a great person, and I can see they have a huge heart for our Father and His will. We are just extremely different, or even a lot alike, and it’s going to take prayer and a sincere wanting of growth in this area. I know that I love this person and want nothing but the best for them, and that’s all that God really called us to do-love everyone as I love myself. But I don’t want to do the bare minimum. I want to strive to actually put forth my best effort in loving them for them and getting to know them and just completely accepting them for who they are. 

I am ready for change.

Today was my first official day working at Jefferson Street Baptist Center (JSBC/J-Street/Jeff Street). To start off, I am just going to run through the jist of my day, and then see where it goes from there.

My day started at 5:50 this morning, and I actually really like that fact. The Hope team (4 boys and 4 girls) had to be at Jeff Street at 6:30 to get a run down of the day shelter and get stationed to open at 7:00. There are 4 stations-the front office is where the day shelter guests sign in and check mail, the closet is a room where the guests can store luggage/bags, the dining room is where they eat, and the kitchen is where the food is served from, along with items (deodorant, shampoo, razors, soap, etc.) that are available to our guests. I first started in the dining area, and all my job is, is to eat with the guests and talk to them and just show them love by listening to their stories and taking an interest in their life.
——-I ate breakfast with Billy and Maria . Maria seemed to give me the cold shoulder, but come to find out, she can barely speak English. I hope to see her Tuesday. I know a little Spanish, so be praying that we can both understand the others’ language a little better. Billy was a talker. He shared a little of his life and was just really open about things. For my first time in the shelter and being hugely nervous, it was a small blessing.—————-
So part of being on Hope involves serving at Sojourn, which is a church. There are two services in the morning, the 9:00 and the 11:15. Me, Victoria, and Christina served at the 9:00, with them helping in the kids and me being a greeter. It was neat to finally be able to serve in the church. After the service was over, the three of us went back to J-Street to run the shelter, while the rest of the Hope team went to Sojourn. The day shelter closes at noon, and so we only had an hour left and things were pretty dead. I got to help make lunch for the residents and the team.
——-At Jeff Street, there is a program called Advanced 180. This is a program for men who are struggling with addiction. They are able to live above the shelter and work through their addiction with the love and support of the male Hope team members. There is a man who went through the program and graduated and is back doing it again. He is an ex-navy person, and a five-star chef. It was really cool making lunch with him and hearing some of his stories. I am super pumped to learn some cooking skills from him. ————
After eating lunch with the residents (men who are in the program currently and a few that live there permanently after graduation), the Hope team was scheduled to watch a move; Second Chance. Great movie! 
——We are to walk in word and deed. Do not merely preach the Word, but live it as well. And do not merely live the Word, but share it with others.——-
There was a small discussion with that and then the girls went home to grab a quick bite before church at Sojourn at 5:00. The service was really good. The preacher seemed to be a tad scattered, and that is perfectly okay.
—-2 Corinthians 7:8-11 {We should have Godly sorrow and not Worldly sorrow. The difference? Godly produces regret for hurting our relationship with Christ and the sin we have in our life. However, grace and repentance are produced. Worldly sorrow produces regret for the consequence of the sin, but not the actual sin itself. Regret and death are produced.} God showed me today that there are sins in my life that I have Worldly sorrow for. I have regret because I do not like the consequences of my sin, but it doesn’t cross my mind that I am straining my relationship with Christ.————-
After church, we went back to the boys’ apartment, which is above the day shelter at Jeff Street. We played a mean game of spoons and then it was off to our Hope Fill-In-Directors’ house for brownies and bonding. And to end the day, what better way is there than P90X Yoga. #woo #hurting
——-I know I came here to serve the lost and hurting of Louisville, but I can already tell that I will be served so much in return. Just getting to be in their life and walk with them and the amazing people that God has put on my team. I cannot wait to really get into gear with this.  ——-
I apologize for the length of this post. I hope the others are more filled with stories of the people I meet and the revelations that my Father shows me.  

Thank you for reading this post. I ask that you are with me in prayer whenever I cross your mind. The work that I am doing is not easy, and a little extra strength from you will go a long way. And as always, if you would like to help me out and donate, please go to www.razoo.com/story/courtneyvance

#loves 

I’m finally here. Today I got to move into my house and meet the three wonderful ladies I will be serving with. It’s always a tad awkward at first-how many drawers should I take, which bed, and other things like that. But everything worked out, just like they always do. After moving in and chilling at the house for a bit, the four of us went back to Jeff Street. We got to meet the four boys who will serve with us as well. We ate some really good lasagna and then hung out in the boys’ apartment getting to know everyone. I think we will have a lot of great adventures together.

In your unfailing love you will lead 
    the people you have redeemed. 
In your strength you will guide them
    to your holy dwelling.

This was a scripture I read on Sunday at Church. God couldn’t have placed it in my life at a more perfect time. My Father, with love that covers all, will lead me. I am not here working on my own. Jesus will lead my thoughts, actions, conversations. It is not in my own strength that I will do anything, but through His.

I am preparing my heart for the changes and growth He has in store for me.

I can safely say this is the most excited, thrilled, nervous, pumped, scared, and many other adjectives that I have been in awhile. I cannot wait to go to Louisville. I know my Father has great plans for me. But I’m still allowed to be nervous. I’d be crazy not to. I have never done anything like this, right? The more I think about it all, it doesn’t seem all that different than from what I am supposed to do daily-simply be in peoples’ lives and be a light to them. Granted, most people I encounter are battling poverty, but the concept is the same. Thinking about this summer with that mind-set makes the whole thing a little less scary. 

I just want to be there already. But I know I can use this last week here to prepare my heart. These people are starving for something, and they don’t even know it. I just want to go in with a heart broken for them. I know that God has placed this ministry on my heart, I just want to be prepared as I can be. But in all honesty, I’ll never be ready for the challenges that I am most certainly going to face. 

I know He wants me here. My prayer was simply if it’s meant to be, then I will be accepted. I applied because I felt called to, but there is always that shadow of a doubt. He has great plans for me. In the past few months, God has opened my eyes to show me a small glimpse of who He is making me. I know that God has given me the strength to do this. I just need to make sure that I am constantly looking to my Father for the renewal of that strength and joy and hope daily.